Many of those who consider themselves failures in their fields or lives are simply those who did not know how to make friends. It was the one factor the lacked when all else were present. But it is not too late. Here are suggestions on how to please people in order to win their friendship and your popularity.
1. Greet others pleasantly and promptly.
People always want to be noticed. This is true even of the self-conscious are really even more in need of it although they often refuse to admit it. There is nothing more flattering then to be noticed and quickly greeted by another. You are yourself flattered if someone promptly recognizes and greets you.
2. Memorize names and use them frequently.
Dale Carnegie says that the sweetest music to anybody’s ear is the sound of his own name. If you can use the names especially of new friends, you are on your way to winning them. Click here on tips to remember names and faces
3. Talk less and Listen more
Form the habit of discovering the interests of the other person. Ask enough questions to make him come out with his likes. It is rather odd, but even the person who is selling a product, service or idea must listen more than talk. This is if he hopes to make the sale.
Listen to the other party and be interested in what he is saying. Don’t just impatiently await your chance to speak. This superficial way of listening does not win friends.
4. Appreciate others and Show your Appreciation
Receiving appreciation is one of the strongest human motivations. People want to be appreciated for what they are and what they do. It is even the dominating factor in many who from childhood have been denied appreciation.
Your appreciation can be shown in simple ways. One is by sending cards or gifts. Another is by expressing it verbally but sincerely. Regardless of how you show it, a sense of appreciation always lifts the spirit. This lifting of the spirit naturally leads to liking the person who is appreciating. He will be remembered for it – and for a long time.
5. Substitute “Will you” for ”You must”
Even when you are in authority, it is still a mark of refinement to say “will you?” instead of “you must”. The difference is courtesy. And courtesy can spell a greater difference in the person to whom the order is addressed.
6. Maintain as Large a Circle of Friends as Possible
Consciously establish this circle, consisting of people from any type of occupation, taste and strata of life. And be genuinely interested in your friends’ fields of work.
From this circle, choose with great care a few who will constitute your inner circle. They will inspire you to work hard to achieve success and betterment. They will not lead you to deteriorate and pursue trivial goals.
Your inner-wheel friends should also have high standards of moral and spiritual conduct. They should observe business ethics and good taste.
There is a saying whish goes, “tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” Still another says “birds of a same feather flock together.” The group you belong to reflects your character. Gangs who make trouble are judged as groups of trouble-makers. They are branded condescendingly and cast out. And the opposite is true if one joins, or is associated with, a group of high repute.
Choose the kind of people you want to influence you. Normally, people of the same pursuits go together. Those with the same occupations or interests do, too. Whether laudable or notorious, this is almost always the case among associations of persons.
7. Avoid Arguments
Few people can argue without becoming unduly excited and affected by the argument. So if the argument is not that important, either ignore it or agree with the other party. Don’t feel defeated by doing so. Your opponent does not win just because he argues. You win twice: first, because your stand is right. And second, because you do not waste your time arguing on something which you believe is right and cannot lose. Most of all, you don’t lose a friend.
There are many argumentative people around us. Keep your distance from them. It is not beneficial to be with them. Look instead for those who want to live in harmony with others. Befriend those who are not on the prowl to defeat others in an argument. They are suffering from the damaged ego which they must dress by arguing and winning the argument. Don’t have anything to do with them. However, remain friendly.
But argue calmly if you are caught in one and you feel you must defend your point. If the other party does nit give in, simply nod and acknowledge his stand. You don’t have to insist on your point. You will eventually win if your argument is the real or better one. This will happen without making an enemy out of him, too.
8. Smile Always
It may not always be possible, but always try. The person who has a smile for all is likely to receive all the smiles back. This shows his sunny disposition. And people, even the un-smiling ones, are attracted to those who smile sincerely. So why not use this simple but effective weapon? It can bring you the friends you want to win.
Why do only a few smiles nowadays? Because life seems hard on most of us. And also because it has not been our practice to smile at everyone, especially at strangers. We have the unpleasant impression that he or she is apt to something foolish. Especially if the smile is given to a stranger.
Yet there is nothing wrong and everything right about smiling. If goodwill or good intent is behind that smile, go ahead and give it. Let other people get embarrassed by misconstruing your friendliness. But there will be those who will respond to that smile and become your friends. There is no harm. Every blessing should come your way because you please others by greeting them with a smile.
9. Spread your Interest outside of you
Be genuinely interested in others because they are indeed interesting. You will be doubly rewarded. First, you will make more friends who are even interesting. And second, you will enjoy the interesting things you find in them.
The Golden Rule applies in any aspect of life. You receive what you give. If it is a good thing, oftentimes you receive it a hundred times over. The interest you show others will make you an interesting person yourself. It will more than you pay off. It will bring you more goodness than you expect or work for.
The other blessing is your detachment from unpleasant thoughts and feelings. That is a great reward in itself. You substitute unpleasant emotions for good ones that come in. because you put your attention and interest I others this time.
10. As much as Possible, Look at the Discussion from the Other Person’s Point of View.
Isn’t this how you want others to deal with you? By all means, do it to them! You will make hundreds of friends in the process. This can happen because you demonstrate that you understand and side with them. Friends will flock to you, for sure.
But this does not automatically happen. You cannot do it or you don’t do it effectively if you are not used to doing it. You can’t have many friends if all you care about is what you think or feel. There are other people in this world. Everybody wants to be heard and attended to, just like you. Others will give that attention if you give it to them first. Develop the habit of considering the other person’s position. Then it will be easy for you to see a discussion or situation from his point of view. This is not a mere understanding. It is empathy which only a few are capable of.
You don’t turn emphatic overnight. You first deal with your inborn self-centeredness. Free yourself of it. Then and only then can you dare empathize. And when you do, you scoop more friends than you need.
11. Employees must be Openly Appreciated.
How to encourage employees to do better in the office has been a problem to management. This was the chore of the first management expert who took a serious study of employer- employee relations and their problems.
Employees, especially those in the rank-and-file, are in bad need of a sincere and frequent show of appreciation from management. The now defunct management-by-objectives movement of the 60’s and 70’s included participative management as part of MBO. It reflects the appreciation and regard that management has for employees.
Thank and appreciate individual employees singly, both in private and in public. This works and goes a long way in motivating and moving the spirits of those in the bottom ranks to greater efficiency.
12. Employers must receive just as Much Understanding and Consideration
After all, they are human, too. They have their own problems just like the employees. Bigger problems, for sure. Just because they are on top of the organization does not mean that they are less susceptible to failure. Or are able to do more than is allowed them. They too need understanding and assistance. They need friends as well.
Have you ever heard of friendless bosses? This is because by the nature of their function, they become strict and exacting. Potential friends avoid them. Ordinary employees do. They seem not to deserve friends they who most badly need these friends. Isn’t it ironic? More so because they are the ones who possess power over people. Yet they cannot make friends out of those people.
Employers need just what employees’ need. Recognition, attention, consideration, empathy and friends. They may not look like they do. Nor do they say or admit the need. But deep inside, they all ache for it.
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