If Noah Was A Filipino ( Funny but Strikingly True! )

It is the year 2004 and Noah lives in the
PHILIPPINES. The Lord
speaks
to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it
rain and cover the
whole

earth with water until all is destroyed. But I
want you to save the
righteous people and two of every kind of living
thing on the earth.

Therefore, I am commanding you to build an
Ark." In a flash of
lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
Ark. Fearful and
trembling, Noah

took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the
Lord,
"You must complete the Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud
covered the earth and
all
the seas of the earth went into tumult. The Lord saw
Noah sitting in his
front

yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the
Ark?" "Lord please
forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there
were big problems.

First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for
construction and your plans
"did not comply with the codes". I had to hire their
"engineering firm"
and

"redraw" the plans. Then I got into a fight
with Municipal Fire
Safety
Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system and

extinguishers. Then my neighbor objected,
claiming I was violating
zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front
yard, so I had to get a
permit

from the municipal planning office. I had
problems getting enough
wood
for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees
to protect the

Monkey-Eating Eagle. I finally convinced the
DENR that I needed the
wood to save the eagles. However, the DENR won't let
me catch any eagles.

So, no eagles. The carpenters formed a union
and went out on strike.
I
had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU. Now I
have 16 carpenters on
the
Ark, but

still no eagles. When I started rounding up the
other animals, I got
sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me
only taking two of
each
kind

aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the
DENR again notified
me
that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact

assessment on your proposed flood. They didn't
take very kindly to
the
idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct
of the Creator of the

universe. Then the DPWH demanded a map of the
proposed new flood
plan.
I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to
resolve a complaint

filed with the DOLE that I am practicing
discrimination by not
taking
godless, unbelieving people aboard! The BIR has
seized all my assets,
claiming

that I'm building the Ark in preparation to
flee the country to
avoid
paying taxes. I just got a notice from the BIR that I
owe some kind of
user
tax

and failed to register the Ark as a
recreational water craft."

The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the
action alleging that
the
Ark would be used by the Magdalo soldiers to escape.
The PNP on the other
hand insists

that Al-Ghozi might use the Ark to flee to
Indonesia. Malacanang
sees
the opportunity to use the Ark for GMA's Strong
Republic Nautical Highway
presidential

campaign sorties.

Finally the Senate got the courts to issue a
TRO against further
construction of the Ark, saying that since God is
flooding the earth, it
is
a religious event and

therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for
another 10 or 16
years!"

Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun
began to shine and the
seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up
hopefully.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the
earth, Lord?" "No," said
the Lord sadly...."The government is already doing
that."