>> TEACHER : Why are you late?
>> BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
>> TEACHER : What sign?
>> BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go
>> Slow."
>>
>> TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums
>> on the floor?
>> BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using
>> tables!
>>
>> TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
>> BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
>> TEACHER : No, that's wrong
>> BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I
>> spell it!
>>
>> TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
>> BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
>> TEACHER : What are you talking about?
>> BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
>>
>> TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North
>> America.
>> BALGOBIN : Here it is!
>> TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered
>> America?
>> CLASS : Balgobin!
>>
>> TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have
>> today that we
>> didn't have ten years ago.
>> BALGOBIN : Me!
>>
>> TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
>> BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than
>> you are.
>>
>> BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
>> FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
>> BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.
>>
>> TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by
>> biting insects?
>> BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.
>>
>> TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with
>> "I".
>> BALGOBIN : I is... TEACHER ! : No, Balgobin. Always
>> say, "I am."
>> BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of
>> the alphabet."
>>
>> TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of
>> "COINCIDENCE?"
>> BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on
>> the same day, same
>> time."
>>
>> TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down
>> his father's Cherry
>> tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know
>> why his father didn't
>> punish him?"
>> BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his
>> hand?"
>>
>> BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
>> FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
>> BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
>>
>> TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are
>> wearing, one is green and
>> one is blue with red spots!
>> BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got another
>> pair just like that
>> at home.!
>>
>> TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
>> donkey and stopped
>> him, what virtue would I be showing?
>> BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?
>>
>> TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say
>> prayers before
>> eating?
>> BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
>> cook.
>>
>> TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is
>> exactly the same as
>> your brother's. Did you copy his?
>> BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
>>
>> TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on
>> talking when people are
>> no longer interested?
>> BALGOBIN : A teacher
Grandpa, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. He
didn't move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands.
When I sat down beside him, he didn't acknowledge my presence, and
the longer I sat I wondered if he was OK.
Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to check on
him at the same time, I asked him if he was OK.
He raised his head, looked at me and smiled.
"Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," he said in a clear,strong
voice.
"I didn't mean to disturb you, grandpa, but you were just sitting
here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were all
right," I explained to him.
"Have you ever looked at your hands?" he asked. "I mean really looked
at your hands?"
I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over,
palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked
at my hands as I tried to figure out the point he was making.
Grandpa smiled and related this story:
"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have
served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled,
shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to
reach out and grab and embrace life.
They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the
floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child
my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and
pulled on my boots. They held my rifle and wiped my tears when I went
off to war.
They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were
uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with
my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved
someone special. They wrote the letters home and trembled and shook
when I buried my parents and spouse and walked my daughter down the
aisle. Yet, they were strong and sure when I dug my buddy out of a
foxhole and lifted a plow off of my best friend's foot.
They have held children, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of
anger when I didn't understand. They have covered my face, combed my
hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been
sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when
not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me
up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.
These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of my
life.
But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out
and take when He leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to
His side, and there I will use these hands to touch the face of
Christ."
I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God
reached out and took my grandpa's hands and led him home.
When my hands are hurt or sore, or when I stroke the face of my
children and wife, I think of grandpa. I know he has been stroked and
caressed and held by the hands of God.
I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.
May the Lord Bless and Keep you.
There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
contest.
its been 4 months since i saw him and talagang namimiss ko na siya...
pero what can i do? it seems that i have loved the wrong person....
but still the pain keeps on hurting me and kung walang magbibigay ng
gamot
para dito sa nararamdaman ko.... baka mamatay na ako....
to give you a background about my life, everthing seems to be fine
except dun sa time na dumating na sa buhay ko yung hinayupak na lalake
na yon.... hehehehe.... kung curious kayo about dun sa guy...
bestfriend
ko po yon kaso lang iba na ang nangyari as time passes by.....
classmate ko sya nung highschool. pards pa nga ang tawagan namen.... o
db ang sweet? di na ako iba sa kanya and ganon na ren sya sa aken....
kung di nga lang ako naging babae baka naiuwi na ako nun sa bahay nila
and baka lahat ng gawaing pang brusko eh ipagawa na nun sa ken eh.....
pero cyempre mukha pa ren naman akong babae noh!!
highskul cyempre may pr om.... wala cyang date, wla ren ako.... i know
that he wanted to invite me to be his date pero ang ogag nga kasi nun
kaya the last minute tsaka lang sya nag-ask. he went to our house...
nakamotor po sya and medyo pawisan pero infairness.... mabango pa
ren....
he ask my permission to see my dress for the prom.... cyempre para
maloka sya sa aken at may konting surprise... i refuse.... o sige,
medyo nafrustrate sya pero hindi yon naging hadlang para invite nya
ko.... sa
ganda ko na to..... cyempre ang dami munang pa-echeng.... hanggang sa
tanungin nya ako kung may date na ba me.... e kung di ba naman siya
abnormal eh.... papayag ba akong makipagdate sa iba eh sya lang ang
gusto ko.... lam mo yon... sarap sampalin.... so in short, papilit pa
ba
ako? syempre.....
the night of my life came, i was so pretty sabi ng nang-uuto kong
nanay... pero naniwala lang ako nang sya na ang nagsabi.... blush ako
ever.... kahit alam kong maganda ako since birth(hehehehe) iba pa ren
yung sa kanya galing diba?
we enjoyed that night and lalo ko lang napatunayan sa sarili ko na
mahal ko na pala ang hinayupak na bestfrend ko......
syempre ano pa ba ang sunod na event sa prom kundi ang graduation na
db? the night before the graduation, we talked on the phone na para
bang it would be the last time na maririnig namen ang boses ng
isat-isa..... i've waited for the moment na mabanggit nya na may
feelings din sya and
hindi naman ako nagkamali.... tinanong nya ako kung may possibilty daw
na maging kame.... i know na maiinis kayo sa ken dahil alam nyo ba ang
sagot ko? ah, eh.... hindi pwede kase bestfrends tayo eh.... yung mga
anak na lang naten yung ipag-partner naten.... sa isip-isip ko.... ang
tanga! pano ko nasabi ang ganong words? pero wala na akong
magagawa.... alam namang bawiin ko pa eh di nahuli naman ako db? pe ro
ang tanga ko talaga....
cyempre college na.... im so proud to say na napunta naman ako sa
magandang school and take note... pareho kame ng skul..... ano to?
kailangan bang ituloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan namen?....
hehehe....
nagkaboyfriend ako for a year and a half.... minahal ko sya pero there
are these conflicts and problems na di na kayang ayusin.... in
short.... nagbreak kame.....
i guess god meant that to happen kasi yon din yung time na nagkita
kame ng bestfrend ko..... sa sobrang miss namen ang isa't-isa.... sabay
na
kameng umuwi, kumain, pumasok..... im happy pero parang lalo ko lang
pinahirapan ang sarili ko dahil my feelings for that guy grows each
and everytime that we are together... buti na lang magaling akong
magtago
at magpigil.... hehehe.... bilib kayo noh?.....
one morning, im so busy preparing my project that would be pass on
that same day.... alam kong dumati ng na sya at nasa likuran ko na ang
mokong pero dahil sobrang pressure sa project.... gusto ko man syang
dambahan... cyempre mamayang gabi na lang di ba? hehehe.... di ko sya
masyadong napansin.....
may inabot syang sulat sa aken and he asked if i could join him sa
lunch.... i said yes.... then, alis na cya.... alam naman kc nyang im
busy.....
when i was about to enter the room, somebody bumped me and my precious
project fell... gusto ko mang magalet... what can i do db? instead i
ask my prof to give me another chance to do my project.... naalala ko
si mokong.... the lunch date.... kinuha ko ang cell ko to text him that
i can't come to our meeting.... e kaso.... pag tinamaan k nga naman ng
malas.... check operator service daw.... i tried to look for friends or
other kakilala pero malas that day talaga....
and so i took my lunch all by my self.... naalala ko yung letter....
hinanap ko sa bag... WALA !!!! bumalik me sa corridor praying na andon
pa yung sulat.... wala ren.... god! why? minsan lang magbigay ng sulat
yon.... nawala pa.... dont know how to tell him about the letter....
and so days and weeks passed, pag nagkikita kame... di nya ako
pinapansin... ako, i tried to talk to him pero alam kong may kasalanan
ako pero ganon ba kalaki ang nagawa kong di pagpunta at ganon na lang
ang iwas
nya?... sige... hinayaan ko na lang....
months na ang binilang... i heard that he was dating a girl from the
same school that we are in... masakit.... na sa iba ko pa narinig na
sila na .... mas masakit na wala na akong halaga sa kanya.....
basta... ilang araw din yon na ganon ang nararamdaman ko.... weeks....
months.... gagraduate na po ako.... i wonder what's instore for me in
my last day in school.... and so i thought na puntahan yung favorite
hang out namen.... when i was about to get near the place.... i saw
him...
with the girl.... umiiyak ang bruha but i cant hear what they are
talking about.... so ive decided to get out of that place before my
tears
burst out.... and then a common frend ang sumalubong sa aken....
saying na
buntis ang girl.... syempre.... durog na durog ang puso ko.... kung
kaya nyo lang ma-imagine yung naramdaman ko.....
the night of that same day.... naloka ang lola nyo.... nagparamdam ang
mokong pagkaraan ng pagkatagal-tagal na panahon... i thought it was
something good for me... for us.... pero i was wrong.... so wrong.....
he gave me a wedding invitation and isa ako sa bridesmaids..... the
girl... she was waiting in the car.... o db? dati motor lang ngaun...
car na....
and so the wedding came.... maganda po ako nun.... sabi ng nanay ko
pero wala ng nagsecond the motion eh.... so naniwala na lang ako sa
nanay ko.... then, there was this professor who c ame to see me.... he
handed over a letter with my name carefully printed on the
enveloped.... he
said that he looked for the owner of that letter kaso lang po malaki po
ang skul namin kaya mahirap magkahanapan db? and so nung nakita nya
ang name ko sa invitation, he decided to bring the letter thinking
that it
could save souls... daw....
and so i was about to open the letter when the priest ask kung sino
daw ang tututol... dedma ako.... alam namang manggulo pa ko noh....
binasa ko na ang letter..... nakakatouch po talaga.... he opened up
his feelings for me.... hoping na meron din daw akong feelings for
him....
he ask that if i will show up to our hang-out the next day after he
gave his letter, then it means that i also have feelings for him and
that he would love me for the rest of our lives.... but if i wont....
then
he will never open that topic again.... he pleaded to me na sana
pumunta ako... ...
if only i have that letter.... if only i knew about it.... kung di
lang ako clumsy and carelss to keep that letter... things would be
diffrent.... if only.....
and so i heard the priest announced the couple as husband and wife....
ang sakit......
picture taking..... gusto mang sumabog ng nararamdaman ko.... as you
know.... magaling akong magpigil.... pero masakit po talaga....
sobra......
after the picture taking...... niyakap ako ng bestfrend ko.... ang
higpit.... and teary eyed nyang cnabi na.... >
i still love you.......
The face can speak of a thousand emotions but it can easily mask what
the heart truly feels. Don't be fooled...for the happiest face may be
masking the most hurting heart.
Mga Dahilan Kung Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin
Ilang ulit na bang nangyari sa iyo ito? Ngayon ang
kasal ng pinsan mo.
Heto ka ang ganda ganda mo. Naghanda ka talaga dahil
minsan-minsan lang
ang okasyon sa pamilya nyo. Kadalasan sa mga lamay
na lang kayo
nagkikita-kita so ngayong kasal ng pinsan mo, gusto
mo namang maging
maganda at mapansin nila. Aba, napansin ka nga.
Ganito ang tanong ng
lahat ng kaanak mo sa iyo..."O ikaw kelan ka
ikakasal?" "Uy, ikaw na ang
susunod ano?" Parang gusto mo na sa susunod na lamay
sila naman ang
sabihan mo ng "Ikaw, kelan ka susunod?"
Huwag kang malungkot. Ito gusto nga kitang sumaya
kaya sinulat ko ito.
Hindi ka dapat malungkot dahil maraming posibleng
dahilan bakit hindi ka
pa kinakasal hanggang ngayon. Hayaan mo silang mainip
sa paghihintay.
Basta kung okay ka, okay ka. Hayaan mo tulungan kita
mag-isip kung bakit
wala ka pa ring asawa hanggang ngayon. Naisip ko na
'yan eh. Ito ang
sampung dahilan bakit wala pa.
1. Kailangan mong mag-concentrate sa career.
Hindi na uso ang mga babaeng pambahay ngayon.
Kalimitan meron ng
tinatawag na career. Habang hindi ka pa
tinatamaan ng palaso ni
kupido, hamo na munang magconcentrate ka sa trabaho
mo. Kailangan mong
ma-achieve ang full potential mo bago ka mag-asawa,
kasi 'pag nag-asawa
ka na, tanggapin na natin, iba na ang mga prioridad
mo sa buhay. Lagi ng
mauuna ang pamilya. Habang feel mo pang lumaban ng
lumaban sa rat race
at umakyat ng umakyat sa corporate ladder, huwag
mong panghinayangan na
wala ka pang sariling pamilya. - SANA
PAGBABA KO NG LADDER E MAY KA AGE PA KONG AVAILABLE
O KAYA SANA DUN NA
KAMI SA LADDER MAGKASALUBONG HEHE
2. Masyadong mataas ang standards mo.
Ibaba mo kasi ng konti, baka naman kahit si Rizal
hindi ma-achieve yung
standards mo. Tandaan mo, si Rizal kahit na bayani
medyo babaero din.
Walang taong perpekto. Kahit naman ikaw di ba? Meron
ka ding kapintasan?
Baba mo ng konti, yung makatarungang pamantayan
lang. Baka naman
naghahanap ka ng Brad Pitt eh di ka naman si
Angelina Jolie. Lumagay
ka lang sa dapat mong kalagyan. Baka naman
naghahanap ka ng kasing yaman
ni Zobel eh ikaw naman eh pobre din lang naman.
Huwag. Huwag ganoon.
Para kang g**o non. Baka naman naghahanap ka ng
smart, na gwapong,
mayaman. Ate, kung ganon ang hanap mo, malamang
tatandang dalaga ka na
talaga. Di lahat binibigay ni Lord. Di bale kung
salat sa face value,
babawi na lang siguro yung sa bait at sa talino.
Kung puro face value
naman, at salat sa kaalaman or masama ang ugali,
manalig ka na lang na
baka pag pinakain mo ng gulay tumalino or ito the
best, lahat naman ng
tao nagbabago. Pwede pa 'yan bumait. - DAMI KO NA
NGANG KINUMPROMISE NA
STANDARDS E :-p
3. Hindi ka lumalabas ng bahay.
O baka lumalabas ka nga ng bahay, sa opisina lang
naman ang punta mo.
Huwag ganon. Sumama ka sa mga kaibigan mo, mag-mall
ka, magsimba ka,
mag-outreach program ka. Huwag mong panisin ang
sarili mo sa bahay dahil
wala talagang makakapansin sas
iyo sa bahay. Mag-aral ka ng painting, voice lessons
at Yoga. Imaginin
mo kung magka-boyfriend ka na Yoga master? or di
kaya, chef. O di ba
cool 'yun? Magliwaliw ka sa bookstores, sa coffee
shops, at kung
saan-saan pang mataong lugar. Baka sakali mapansin
ka doon. - DAIG KO PA
C ROSANA ROCES SA PAGIGING CURACHA, DI KO PA NGA
LANG NAGAGAWAN MAG
PAINTING, VOICE LESSONS AT YOGA
4. Baka naman sobrang tapang mo.
Oo nga naman, baka naman sobrang masungit ka at
natatakot sa iyo ang mga
potential
suitors mo. Baka dapat kang maging approachable ng
konti. Baka masyadong
maangas
ang dating mo imbis na matuwa sa iyo matakot. Baka
sobrang independent
mo, at
parang mabubuhay ka ng wala silang lahat. Minsan may
epekto rin 'yan.
Baka
sobrang talino ng dating mo pakiramdam nila mababara
lang sila or baka
'pag pinadalhan ka ng love letter eh i-edit mo ng
red ink pen.
Magkunwari ka kayang t**** minsan-minsan, tingin mo?
- GUILTY MINSAN NGA
NAG EDIT AKO AT SINABI KO PA SORI... SORI....
5. Baka naman kasi losyang ka.
Oo nga naman, mag-ayos ka paminsan-minsan kay lang
kung pangit ka,
pangit ka talaga. No amount of make up can change
that. Pero at least
pwede ma-enhance ng konti. - 2X NA NAMAN AKO
NAGSUSUKLAY NGAYON A, DATI
NGA ONCE LANG E
6. Baka naman hinahanapan pa ni Lord ng ribbon ang
para sa iyo.
Natatandaan ko ang sabi ng kaibigan ko. Blessing daw
from the Lord ang
mga girlfriends/boyfriends. O eh baka naman
hinahanapan pa ni Lord ng
magandang ribbon yung regalo mo. Kasi baka daw 'pag
hinarap ang
packaging i-reject mo. - KOREK! PWDE NAMANG
ORDINARY LNG PACKAGING
BASTA MAGANDA NASA LOOB :):):)
7. Baka naman nagtitipid sa toll fee yung para sa
iyo.
Malay mo kasi taga-Norte yung para sa iyo eh mahal
naman ang toll fee.
Baka nagtitipid dumaan sa walang toll kaya medyo
natatagalan. - BKA NGA
SA MIDDLE EAST
GALING, NAPAGOD ANG KAMELYO AT TULUYAN NG NA
STRANDED SA DISYERTO
8. Baka naglakad yung para sa iyo.
Parating na 'yon kaya lang mahal ang gasolina so
naglakad na lang
papunta sa iyo. Besides, walking is good for the
heart daw. Baka sa
kakalakad naligaw na. Ito pa namang mga lalaking
ito, hindi magtatanong
kung hindi pakiramdam nila naliligaw na sila. -
DAPAT KASI BUMILI SIYA
NG MAPA
9. Baka naman sadyang torpe lang yung para sa iyo.
Baka naman nag-iipon pa ng lakas ng loob o di kaya
nag-iisip pa ng
magandang tiyempo. Baka talagang hindi lang siya
makapag-salita dahil
sobrang mahiyain niya. Baka naman dapat makiramdam
ka rin ng konti kasi
talagang deadma ang dating nito. Baka dapat
tinatanong ng unti-unti. -
DINERETSO KO NGA KASO, IBA ANG TYPE (PAPA RIN, MUJER
PALA)
10. Baka naman talagang for single blessedness ka.
Ipagdasal mo. Baka naman kasi pinapagod mo ang
sarili mong kakaisip
bakit you're still single eh hindi naman kasi
marriage ang plan ni Lord
for you. Paminsan-minsan magtanong ka kasi sa Kanya
baka naman ikaw ang
naliligaw. Baka naman ikaw ang nagtitipid. Baka
naman kasi ikaw ang
torpe. Baka naman kasi ikaw ang problema.
MAGTATAYO NA LANG AKO NG HOME FOR THE SINGLE AGED MEN
WOMEN WANNA JOIN, HAHA
Gasgas man, pero sasabihin ko pa rin. Darating Din
Yun. Kung para sa
iyo, para sa iyo. Kahit iwasan mo, para talaga sa
iyo. - SANA PAGDATING
NYA DI MO NA KAILANGANG PAKULUAN SA PRESSURE COOKER
ANG MATRES MO HAHAHA
"Doctor, I am afraid to die.
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know?
The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
He didn't know what was inside.
READ AND RETURN
May today there be peace within you.
I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet
>>
>>-
>> By all Means... MARRY!
>>
>>I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be
>>why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
>>David Bissonette
>>
>>When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
>>keep her.
>>Sacha Guitry
>>
>>After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
>>can't face each other, but still they stay together.
>>Hemant Joshi
>>
>>By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
>>bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
>>Socrates
>>
>>Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
>>Dumas
>>
>>The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What
>>does a woman want?
>>Sigmund Freud
>>
>>I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
>>Anonymous
>>
>>"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
>>restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
>>dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
>>Henry Youngman
>>
>>"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
>>Sam Kinison
>>
>>"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
>>banking. It's called marriage."
>>James Holt McGavran
>>
>>"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
>>second one didn't."
>>Patrick Murray
>>
>>Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
>>1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
>>2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
>>Nash
>>
>>The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
>>once...
>>Anonymous
>>
>>You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
>>Henny Youngman
>>
>>My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
>>Rodney Dangerfield
>>
>>A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
>>Milton Berle
>>
>>Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
>>Anonymous
>>
>>A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
>>received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
>>mine."
>>Anonymous
>>
>>First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
>>Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
>>
>>
Drinking cold water after meal leads to Cancer!
(this is not a joke)
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal.
However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed .
It will slow down the digestion.
Once this "sludge" reacted with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food.
It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer.
It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A Serious note about Heart Attacks
HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE"
(THIS IS NOT A JOKE!)
Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.
Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.
Let's be careful and be aware.
The more we know, the better chance we could survive...
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10
people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
Read this..... It could save your life!!
Let's say it's 6.15 pm and you're driving home .
Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out
into your arm and up into your jaw.
You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home.
Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far.
You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you
how to perform it on yourself.
"HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE"
Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating
improperly and who begins to feel faint,
has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.
However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously.
A deep breath should be taken before each cough, deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.
A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds
without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating . The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm.
In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many
other people as possible about this.
" It could save their lives!! "
When you're early in your career and lacking work experience, are you totally out of luck as a job seeker?
What about if you're in the midst of a career change and your background doesn't quite live up to what your targeted job descriptions require?
While you can't create experience you don't have, you can think outside of the proverbial box to help make yourself more qualified.
Here's how to make yourself more marketable for jobs that might be considered a reach:
Know your strengths. Carefully evaluate your true skills and qualifications. Go through the job description with a fine-toothed comb. Maybe you don't have the number of years required working in the field, but you strongly believe your transferable skills make up for any shortcomings. Or you know you have special, unique abilities that enhance your marketability. Identify these areas--as they relate to what the employer needs--and be sure your application materials clearly highlight them.
In some cases, job ads request the equivalent of the "sun, moon, and stars." If it seems employers ask for a lot, it's true. It's not unusual to see position descriptions with 15 to 25 bulleted "requirements." Since online descriptions don't mandate hiring managers narrow their lists, they probably list every possible need. Do they always expect to find someone who meets every qualification? Probably not. The description may be a "best-case scenario," so if your honest evaluation suggests you are a strong candidate, even if you're not an exact match, apply. Just make sure your materials detail how you have the muscle to do the heavy lifting the job requires.
Showcase your soft skills. The Talent Culture blog defines emotional quotient, or EQ, as "a person's ability to understand and manage their emotions and those of others." Melissa Martin, a coach who taught classes to help people improve EQ, notes "70 percent of required skills on typical job postings require EQ traits, such as empathy, stress tolerance, and problem solving skills." Emotional intelligence is more difficult to quantify than specific technical abilities, but a great resume will include measurable indications of EQ, such as successes performing in teams, leadership results, and adaptability skills.
How can highlighting your EQ help you reach for a job? A Harvard study found people prefer to work with someone they like, and "If someone is liked, his colleagues will seek out every little bit of competence he has to offer." In other words, people would rather work with a likable person without all of the necessary skills than a person who has all the technical background but is not pleasant.
This describes the all-important "fit" a hiring manager seeks when identifying strong candidates, and most often likability relies on being emotionally intelligent. Luckily, Melissa reports, unlike IQ, which researchers think generally tops out around age 21, you can improve your EQ into your 50s. Evaluate your EQ and think about ways to make yourself more likable, thus more hirable, even if your background is not exactly what your job targets require. Then, incorporate specifics in your application materials and do whatever you can to prove you have a high EQ.
Use social media. Luckily, an easy way to show your ability to relate to others and to establish a community (EQ skills) is by using social media. At the same time, if you use it well, you can showcase your expertise online in hopes of meeting influencers in your field. Contributing regular content via Twitter, answering questions on LinkedIn and Quora, and consistently presenting a professional persona in line with your target job helps make it clear to an employer you have what it takes to do the job--even if it is a reach.
Writing a blog is the best way to take advantage of social media tools to help you jump steps in your career. Updating a blog designed to highlight your skills as they relate to those "pie in the sky" job descriptions can help you convince readers you are well qualified and well connected. Share links to your blog and professional profiles when you apply for positions, but more importantly, use your blog and social networking as a ticket to connect with people who can get to know you and your work.
First, you'll introduce yourself via your writing and by pinging contacts via social media. Once you have a relationship, you may want to ask for a phone conversation or in-person informational meeting. Your goal? Not necessarily to land a job, but to showcase your competencies, passion, interest, and skills during a one-to-one meeting. Once you convince someone with influence in your field that you're suitable for the type of jobs you seek, you'll have another foot on the next rung of your career ladder.
Miriam Salpeter is a job search and social media consultant, career coach, author, speaker, resume writer and owner of Keppie Careers. She teaches job seekers and entrepreneurs how to incorporate social media tools along with traditional strategies to empower their success. Connect with her via Twitter @Keppie_Careers.
